Mar 29, 2020
Rebecca & Suzanne discuss the fear in the world surrounding
the COVID-19 situation, self-love and their most important
self-care activities and practices.
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[0:25] Well hello Suzanne welcome back to Pleasure
Hi Rebecca, so good to be with you again.
Here in our homes far far away from each other - me and my
recording studio you and your living room.
Lovin' the Modern Age.
Yes! So I know we had talked about a couple of things that we
wanted to discuss today. One of them is self-love, and another one
was fear and how those two fit together.
Where should we start?
[0:59] Suzanne: Well I think we should, maybe we
should start with Donnie Darko!
For those of you who have seen Donnie Darko or who
of you, for both of those kinds of people Donnie Darko is a movie.
and I remember this part of the movie where there is a motivational
speaker and he's saying "You have to choose between love or fear -
make a choice!"
found -- it was satirical, but it also felt very true
it was an
interesting way of depicting it because I
felt the truth in the statement also felt annoyed by having to make
the choice because I was like is it really that simple? like either
I'm going to feel afraid or I'm going to feel love? And
I've been I've been exploring that recently.
In my, in
[2:04] It's not really a question it's a
Rebecca: Yeah I know I haven't seen that movie so I'm intrigued by
Suzanne: Yes, well, what's your experience with that with the
fluctuations between love and fear?
Well actually I'm glad that you put it that way. I had never heard
that quote never seen that movie but years ago
remember being a part of this community of uplifting people and
someone had said something during a meeting that really struck me.
They said every decision that you make
either, if you really look at it and examine it, it's either
or it's based in love. It's either based in not having or it's
based in having.
or another when you sit and you investigate it's one of the other.
And so for a chunk of time I remember making that a part of my
decision-making matrix and saying "Okay,
if I did
this thing right now, would I be doing it out of fear or would I be
doing out of love? Would I be doing at out of having or would I be
doing it out of the place of not having? And I found that to be
really, really helpful. I'm so glad that you remind me about
[3:23] Suzanne: Yeah I think it's something that
I've noticed recently because.
We are in
a the global coronavirus various levels of
Sheltering in place or self-quarantining and trying to
assess moment-by-moment what the, you know ,what the world's going
it is now and what's been interesting for me is
noticing sometimes I feel so good.
optimistic and so available to all the creative possibilities and
there are other times where it's like it's like a
wind just came through the window. I feel terrified and I feel
like the world is going to end, and you know I'm not really afraid
about lack of food but I'm afraid for people in my life about
lack of job opportunities.
feels like I have to, like, with my mind, like, turn the
[4:33] Turn the channel to something else and I've
been curious about like how you are navigating, like, if you're
experiencing these kind of winds, these different perceptive states
and then how you navigate the shifting of the channel.
[4:49] Rebecca: You know I think I've only
experienced that sensation of a wind of emotion or wind of
energy when I'm around a lot of other people. Because if I get into
an Uber have to go
some reason, sometimes it's a really positive experience and
sometimes it's not. But usually these days it's a pretty positive
experience because I'm very conscious of where my vibration
is and I know that where I am feeling the most energy in my
thoughts, that's just going to show up in the world when I go out
so if I pay enough attention to my thoughts
time and I believe I'm able to sooth them before I go out, then I
don't feel as much of that and when I do I'm able to observe it and
not be swept up in it.
[5:36] Suzanne: So, you know what's interesting
to me about either preparing oneself to go outside because
noticing these different winds, you know, just in my home. And it
might just be how our nervous systems are rigged
or it could also have something to do with the fact that
you're pretty deep into your own practice as I understand it,
around checking in with your mind box and vibration.
curious if you describe -- and I know it's years and you're so many
years into this practice so it's so much different than it used to
be -- but I am curious about how you track your
[6:28] Rebecca: That's actually pretty simple I
track my vibration by how I'm feeling and by
what anticipation shows up in my head.
I'm anticipating going out and having an amazing time, that says
something about my vibration and if I'm anticipating going out and
feeling wary, that says something about my vibration. But also what
shows up! That says a lot about my vibration so I don't always
notice ahead of time that I'm a little off so I'll go out and
my Uber driver will be super paranoid and I'm like alright
okay, that's where my vibration is okay and then I
can take steps to soothe and to calm it even while I'm sitting
there in the car.
[7:10] Suzanne: So you take responsibility for
pretty much every experience that you have whether its internal or
[7:20] Rebecca: Yeah, I think that's kind of
required once you once you believe that you create your own reality
and even if you don't believe that there's so much evidence
that the attitude that you go out into the world with is
reflected back to you in many ways, so yeah I think
taking responsibility for it is the most empowering way to look at
You know, I noticed that yesterday. I went for a walk with a
girlfriend over my phone! So I put my earbuds in and I went for a
walk in the woods at Sunset which is what I normally
do in these times because there are less people on the
trails and I'm lucky enough that I'm right next to a big nice patch
[8:08] Suzanne: And I noticed that she couldn't talk
right away because she had to sooth a friend that was scared. And
so I started listening to this wonderful acupuncturist, Dr. Edith
was talking about how it's so easy these days to watch these
different tracks of realities, different streams, and I liked what
you said about based on what you anticipate is a really nice
way to see where you currently are. And as I was
I was really
resonating with what this woman was saying and she talked
about just shifting perception. At that moment I turned the corner
of this trail, down a trail I hadn't been done before, and then all
of a sudden my friend called me.
could just feel like this line up between what was happening in my
nervous system and I was I was shifting my perception and then all
of a sudden my friend called me and all of a sudden I was shifting
perceptions shifting my physical movement down a trail.
[9:16] And it's kind of hard to describe but it felt
like everything in my mind and my body had aligned in that
And so I
feel like that's a there this is relationship between like
it's a very minor synchronicity but I still think
synchronicity is important when we think about shifting
state of maybe fear into a state where there's a loving awareness.
You know how I sensed this loving awareness walking down the trail
and all of a sudden,
I turn the corner, boom, my friend calls.
Yeah, I think synchronicity is a sign of alignment.
[9:57] Suzanne: Yeah, I feel I feel that. And as
we were preparing I was going a little deeper into the statement of
"The only thing to fear is fear itself."
me is an interesting statement because if the only thing to fear is
actually fear, then is there is there is fear real at all. Like,
when a fear actually applicable, when most of the time, especially
living in the world I am in right now where I still have I still
have a job I still have a roof over my head. Most of it actually,
isn't, most fear that I would experience during the day isn't
[10:41] Rebecca: Well it's real and that you
experience it as real and that's important. But I also
think that fear is a gift.
we're seeing fear as the kind of thing that we need to get away
from as quickly as possible I think we're missing the point of the
in every fearful thought there is an opportunity of what's
important, you know. So whatever it is that you're afraid of, it's
showing you what is really important to
you're able to look at the fear, use it as a gift and say, "ah
okay, I see that this is really important to me, how can I make
sure this happens? "How can I take my safety with me in whatever
way that feels important in this moment then it gives us the
opportunity to transform the fear into power.
Right, it's like it's like....
[11:46] It feels like you'd have to take a step back
from the fear though,
Like, if you're, say I'm afraid I'm afraid of huge economic
collapse which is something much bigger you know as a larger global
instead of really paying attention to that thought, I pay attention
to what I value inside of that thought.
Well, what is it that you value inside of that
I value social harmony.
[12:24] Yeah I'm tuning into my body as you're saying
this and I can see the logical connection between those two I'm not
feeling much of a difference in my body so the way I would approach
it is okay yeah there's a fear of economic collapse and
reminding myself through that fear which I don't really
experience about right now but reminding myself through
that thought that created some fear in me, that every
economic collapse has also had people that are thriving within the
[12:57] Mmm... And so, to me, the economic collapse is
more of an opportunity for whoever and however many people
and organizations are ready and willing to Pivot and to create a
different kind of system. A system that's not so...
yeah that this is... one of the most beautiful things I just
have to share this my partner works for a tech company in --
I'll just name them -- Unity, which is a company that creates video
gaming software but also tools for like three dimensional
VR, AR... various kinds of technologies that can be used in the
gaming industry. The president of the company just announced that
instead of giving everyone bonuses this year because of
what's happening currently on our economy,
the bonuses are
going towards all the hourly workers. Who right now like
can't work inside of the building. And to me, like, that... when I
heard that I was so excited to hear there where,
there are people that are actually right
now looking out for the benefit of those that aren't
[14:26] Rebecca: Yeah yeah. Do you know the
history of Meetup.com? The origin story of
I'd like to know.
Okay, so I love telling this story especially right now because
it's such a good reminder for me of "Yeah, some big global
catastrophe might happen and then what might come out of it...
so, the story that I remember (and this was posted on their
website while ago) is that the two guys that found in Meetup.com
were in Manhattan when 9/11 happened.
both saw how New Yorkers were gathering together and neighbors were
helping neighbors and people just started coming from this really
generous kind place and got to know each other and after a few
months, that started to just to dissipate.
So, less people were coming together and they thought,
"wouldn't it be cool if we could maintain this energy
somehow? "How can we use technology to facilitate this kind of
connection?" and so they created Meetup.com where people can come
together, locally meeting face-to-face and just connect
over things that they're interested in and over their local
interest. And Meetup.com has been a really big part of my
life as an introvert. It creates just enough of a structure that I
can go and meet people who are interested in something I'm
interested in and connect with them and maybe make friends maybe
have all kinds of interesting relationships that come out of that.
And for me personally, there's a Meetup Group in Seattle
that I've been a part of for 11 years or 12 years, the Abraham
Hicks meetup group and that has been one of the most
life-changing communities that I've ever been a part of.
Because, I mean, you know enough of my story to know
this is true but I've hired people from the group I've dated people
from the group I've worked with people from the
group, you and I have done some stuff with that meetup group
too. It's just been such a huge part of my life, so many of my
friends have come straight out of that group
and because we have this similar basis of understanding about
the way the world works, we have very strong
that from 9/11.
mmm-hmm yeah it feels like it's really it's really important to
gather in these times.
and keep looking for where there are potentials for
example I was talking to a friend yesterday. I found, well, I fell
down I found myself in a little fear spiral and it was super hard
to be creative! I'm finding that I really wanted to
like, brainstorm and come up with a solution because I had fear
in my body, I, it was pretty much
impossible to do anything. And so--
Rebecca: Yeah, because your frontal lobe was turned
Suzanne: My frontal lobe was turned off. How- what do you do,
what do you do what we do darling to get your frontal lobe.
[17:36] Rebecca: Back on?
haha! There are so many things that
you can do. Meditation,
I think I
took different tactics depending on what I'm doing - going for a
walk is a good one, anything that calms your nervous system back
down and talks yourself off a ledge should help with that, should
it's any stress reliever or stress reducer is a good frontal lobe
reactivator, I guess? It helps return the circulation and
the blood flow to the prefrontal cortex.
What's interesting is that I did, there was a Vipassana
meditation online today through the California, you know,
Vipassana group through zoom. That's probably the the most
amount of people on Zoom I've ever seen join. There must have been
at least a hundred, I mean it was really amazing. But to me, that's
strategy... I would probably, I might not do
Vipassana when I'm in like the deeper fear state I was
in yesterday. That, Vipassana feels like a good,
like, pregame like get your get your brain in a better state to
when I fall into more of the deep end of the pool which I was in
yesterday it feels like, some of the strategies I have used
are EFT (tapping) feels like more where I might go.
know, silly dancing how much silly dancing do we see going on right
All of the fun silly dancing. There's so much silly
dancing going on. You know that Taylor Swift
song, Shake It Off? yes yes I love that
one especially... someone put this together for me, I think
was Marie Ruzicka in a Qoya class years ago yeah.
[19:42] Animals when they have just been chased by a
predator and have gotten away they have all this adrenaline running
through their body they needing to balance
there physical place back into a place of stasis and they
shake until it's all rebalanced and then they move about their day
they forget it and so that song, Shake It Off, while I've got some
kind of energy that I really want to get out is pretty pretty fun
five minutes and return my body to normal.
There is a fun thing I did this morning after Vipassana -- talk
about this life, this new let this new world!
I have a
group of women that it's just like it's our second time doing
this on Zoom but what I realized is that when I do Fitness classes
in general, any of them. If it's not Pilates or yoga if
it's any other Fitness class I want to be laughing,
I want I don't
want to take it very seriously.
[20:47] We today we decided we were going to do Latin
dancing and a friend led,
was amazing is it was a little bit freeform, she was a beautiful
dancer, we were kind of focusing on her. Mut it was really hard for
us to actually do any moves so we couldn't like pretend we're
really in a dance class because of the limitations of Zoom.
[21:08] But there was a perceptive thing that I found
I have to do over and over with zoom or I have to like really like
imagine that I'm there with the women. And when I'm there, and I
actually just let go of all of my desires to have form right and
just celebrate exactly what's happening. There was such a
beautiful release I felt from that. Like, so much surrender of like
having to look a certain way or do the steps a certain way and that
was felt like another liberation inside of I think what I used to
feel around fitness, which was like so much desire to do it
[21:52] Rebecca: You're extending your bionic
I want to know what that means.
Well, I think it's just a little bit more play on what we
were talking about the last time where we're using technology as
bionicly improved senses. And so you dancing in your living
room and having to imagine yourself as being there, that's that
mental practice, that mental expansion of what you're able to
sense and how you're able to be connected to other people. That's
how I was seeing it anyway.
that actually right? Because visualization is legitimate skill for
fitness training, for any kind of high performance training. To be
able to visualize yourself doing well, it's a critical part of,
it can be a critical part of how one can
[22:46] Rebecca: Yeah, I remember I first learned
about visualization and I think I was in middle school when I was
on the first sports team I was ever on volleyball team
happen to be reading a book about Olympic athletes and how Olympic
athletes would visualize what they wanted to do many, many, many
times as much as they would practice
and so I
started doing that. As I was going to bed I would visualize myself
being able to walk right up to the net and put my hands up
and make a block. And then, that started working so well that I
started visualizing myself spiking the ball.
And I was
an awkward, tall not-really-in-my-body middle schooler.
Within six weeks, I did figure out how to spike the ball. And I
could do it. I could spike the ball across the net and it would
land in the zone. So that was pretty cool it was my first
experience of visualization and the positive power of it.
[23:41] Suzanne: Of course you were doing
that in middle school, that is so adorable!
still do that game with yourself or do you visualize new things for
[23:55] Rebecca: You know, I do, though I haven't
done it in a structured away in a while. I did it when I was
practicing martial arts a lot.
really done it for Tango yet, maybe that's what I'll do well I have
my ankle hurt and no one's getting together to do Tango.
That's what I'm feeling too is-. Recently I started I
started constructing a list of like things that I'd like to
in this time
of, hopefully we can maybe we can just start doing it now
envisioning a reduction of time of Sheltering in place.
and you know speedy recovery to a world where we can move around
and hug each other again but in the meantime, making a list of the things that I
want to actually learn and and study.
like putting on their things I can envision myself doing well like
here's my vulnerable share... I do want
to learn the piano and start playing the piano.
[25:03] Rebecca: Oh my gosh, I love the piano it's
a beautiful instrument.
And I did buy, for some reason, got myself a keyboard right before
this whole thing happened, so it's going like that is
probably one of the best things I could visualize doing because
they've actually shown you can visualize playing the keyboard and
then actually play the keyboard and have similar result.
[25:28] Rebecca: And I'll bet that there's a
master class with some badass piano player that will teach you how
to play online.
Suzanne: Oh this is very good, this is exactly
It's fun, I've been doing the same thing. I've made a list of books
that I've been wanting to read and these are books that I've been
planning on reading and like really going through and studying this
year anyway so it's nice to have a list of them all laid out and
look at the list, cause for some reason I was having a
hard time looking at my audible library and being able to
prioritize what I wanted to read. It just would show me what was
the most recent thing that I had downloaded or opened
and having a list of all these things that I want to read is
completely different because I look at the list and I go "Oh!
That's the one to listen to right now!"
different way of experiencing books. And so that's been lovely. And
I have some online courses which I started before all of this
happened and now I'm like okay I got some time let's sit down and
Okay here's what I noticed. I noticed that I ended up getting
things I've wanted for months if not years in the past
[26:40] Have you noticed ... okay, I have to tell you.
So basically This Woman's Group, this workout women's
wanted this exact configuration of women to be working out together
wanted this for like four months.
all of a sudden now we're on zoom working out together and it is
the most fun, the most pleasurable. I was like this is the weirdest
way that this could be happening and here we are.
one thing, and then again like doing the Vipassana
meditation, one of my good friends has done at least like 20
Vipassana meditations if not more like 20 10 day sets.
has sat for 200 days and met I've always wanted to sit with her and
we did it this morning it was like things that I wanted to happen
for so long are now happening because the world like
almost like I've stopped,
that the world can actually deliver all the things that were trying
to get to me.
[27:45] Rebecca: That's an interesting way of
looking at it but I am also want to draw your attention to the fact
that you said you have been in fear recently and now you're
not and I think it might have more to do with that the fact that
you're no longer afraid and you're open and you've been doing all
of this self-care in this self love in order to allow yourself to
be in a good place.
yeah I think it's both I think I think the wonderful thing
is training the mind to be expecting good things
to happen means that it's easier to notice good things
[28:27] And to notice that the good things that are
coming, that that may have been coming for a long time.
remember one time watching an Indigenous Elder, I cannot remember
her name. I saw her on YouTube. She was giving a
talk, and she said you know in for her in her culture a
prayer is only said one time.
[28:56] And then it's
whenever and however it comes back is in the exact accurate time
frame that is supposed to come. And it feels like that.
things that I have like sent prayers our intentions out
[29:18] It's too heavy on. Things that I thought would
be fun and I release them and then here they are.
[29:31] Yeah I think that's the yeah go
Yeah, I think that's a pretty common experience because the things
that we feel are so important to us we
have often a lot of attachment to getting like if we think we
must get this job in order to make it through this time period then
we've just turned all of our power over to whoever is making
that decision about the job. But really, we are much more
resourceful than that it's not this one thing that's going to help
me get to it,
ONE option, but there's a whole bunch of other options. They might
be options I haven't seen yet but there's a whole bunch of other
options and if I want to be in a place where I can see those
options and be open to them then that's my job. It's to
attitude to this place where I am actually
open, where I'm able to see what shows up. I'm able to see
what's already there in front of my face that I didn't think was an
option because I've got some story about it.
[30:35] Suzanne: Hmm... that's right yeah I
started watching one of the yoga teachers have had a profound
impact on my life. A short way he's described his name his name is
was telling a story again on "the YouTube" about
a simple story about this man looking for his Guru
right his teacher.
[31:07] The young man goes out and he's so excited to find his
Guru and he walks up to this old man on top of the hill and he's
like listen I have to find my Guru it's very very important
man barely can get a word out before the young man has run off
leaves No Man
Behind goes on a journey for many years finding one teacher who
looks really good you know has the bright sparkly eyes but maybe
not like the profound speech in the words.
Tries to go to the
next teacher who has the profound words but not the bright sparkly
eyes time and time passes and then returns back to that same
Only to realize
that this is the group that he was looking for the whole time you
know so there's this this also.
Part of the human
brain that sometimes it takes us a while to gather all the
information that we need to realize or to have the eyes to see what
was there in front of us the whole time.
[32:09] Rebecca: Yeah and I think that in my
experience and according to many of my teachers, that's just about
having the right eyes to see.
the right vibration having the right attitude so you can see. It's
not bad to go all over the world and search for other things in the
new come back in to find out that it's where you were
the whole time. AND you can also say,
want to see what's important to me right now let me see if I can
shift my vision-- oh look, there it is! Ah ha!" hmm hmm
Not to diminish the journey, it just means you don't have to take
the long way around, you can shortcut it.
Mmm yeah that feels good feels really true and feels really crucial
to you know, be with like, God I just had this quote reading
this this book right now.
called Ka, one of the books that were aren't things on my list
Stories of the Hindu gods. and there's this this one of the
characters go to this in this huge huge Journey.
travels and you know how so many things happen one thing after the
other after the other and then he,
he says you know
so many things are happening so many stories one inside the other
every link hiding yet so many stories stories and I have barely
hatched out of my egg and I feel like.
Just the way that
things are constantly overlapping and changing and how one thing is
constantly leading to the other.
But how everything
is connected to each other it's like you can't.
Extract you know
one part away to another part because also.
When we think
about attraction every little piece is connected to every other
[34:19] Rebecca: So when I'm curious about right
now... You hopped on the call saying you were full
of self love? Self pampered? Self-care?
Self Care, oh I'm Juiced up!
Yes, yeah so how do you decide what self-care to do
going through your day?
[34:45] Suzanne: Well, I think there's like the
self-care musts that have to be reassessed. Like the self-care
example I have this one meditation technique that I just make sure
think it's nice to have a pillar because without a practice it's
hard to really assess oneself. It's not like one
practice is better than the other, though different teachers like
to argue that.
I'm inside a practice that I'm practicing once or twice a day that
feels like okay it's a pillar and that way I can actually watch
like, meditation feels like a pillar. But then something that
brings fun and joy also feels like a pillar, and to me the way that
I find joy is dance.
[35:45] So that feels like, okay another pillar. okay
another pillar seems to be nutrition like what am I putting in my
body and, now right now I have a system where I'm
meal or have the luxury to cook every meal so that also feels like
okay another pillar. and it feels like the more,
I have these go to the good kind of the three major pillars and
then right now this is tricky but like also going outside feels
like a major pillar.
[36:26] Okay five pillars and then
connection through phone or in person where I have to Bare my soul
and I feel like if those are all covered.
feel like I've met some basic components of who I am.
[36:46] Rebecca: I love how you broke it down into
your five pillars.
think your five pillars are probably perfect for most of us. There
are ones that are similar for me too. Even without this isolation,
nutrition, exercise, some kind of communication with myself, some
kind of intimacy with other people... those are four things that I
absolutely have to have in order to stay sane,
so yeah that's that's beautiful.
[37:17] Suzanne: If you were to take this was the
challenge my partner proposed to me and I'm curious what you
like one or two, like if we're that if you want to pair it down
like what's like the one or two things you know you have to
Well if I had to pare it down I would just group things together.
So for instance, yeah I know I'm sneaky like that! It's like
asking the genie for more wishes on your third wish!
But you just did that, okay!
That's that's basically what I do. But for me I would put them
together. So, tango is something that I both get a lot of
intimacy, a lot of physical movement, a lot of play, a
lot of sensuality,
if I had to pair things down that that's one thing that would
definitely stay. And then probably
nutrition, just because it makes such a big impact on my
life and I have found that,
the whole isolation thing one of the best things I can do for
myself is invite friends over for dinner and make food.
So I use SunBasket. I've used them for probably three
years. It's a meal plan delivery thing and their food is great I
can get dairy free gluten free three amazing meals a
week and it works really, really well for me. And just the fact
that I have three meals that I need to cook every
week reminds me that I need to invite somebody over. And then
when I'm doing that, I'm having people over, we are having
conversations sitting in... My kitchen is an open floor plan and
that was very intentional on my part. And I knew that cooking
food was going to be very important to me and feeling isolated from
whoever else was there DOES NOT work for me
so. So my kitchen in my living room and my Island they're all
right there together, so whoever I have over for dinner
can sit at the island and chat while we are talking. They can help
me, they can be my sous chef. Sometimes they'll take over and
they'll cook and I'll just sit and chat. And I love that. So yeah,
those are the two things if I had a pare it down,
tango dancing and nutritious Meals With
I love that because it feels like to know what the four or five
things that you need if you're going to have the super most amazing
day, that's good because then you have the super most amazing
day but what I also realize is that sometimes.
just the two things is also like that you know are.
[39:55] Because think about it when you stand when you
stacked all the meaning you made out of those two activities as a
lot about who you are as well so it's a way of self.
[40:08] You can get to know yourself through the
And as you get to know yourself you learn to love
[40:16] Suzanne: Yes the bring it back to this so
this so bad and the very profound thing is.
[40:26] There's this that call towards self-love I
mean do you feel like you have all...
really curious, I was going to I was tempted to ask you you know
"Have you always loved yourself?" and here I go making assumptions
feel like you could pinpoint when you started feeling like "Oh,
this is what self-love is!" and this is you know "Oh, I know I love
myself now!" do you can you pinpoint that?
I feel like for me that became really clear in high
school, and the times when it is the most clear to me
is when I have a choice to make, I have some kind of boundary that
I feel I needs to set. When I set the boundary where it needs to be
set, then I realize how much I love myself.
that's pretty, that's so beautiful. So around the time
that you were like spiking balls and
blocking. You were also... an interesting parallel time
when you were visualizing yourself as a success you also worked
experiencing yourself as, as someone who was fully worthy of
[41:49] Rebecca: Yeah I was experiencing myself as
someone worthy of everything that I wanted and that
know which came first but it feel like they went together so
because I felt like I was worthy of everything that I wanted I
would do my homework early in the evening so I could get it done
and then go out and do things and I would be fresh
and I would take myself out for a run. I learned how to run
when I was a teenager for the same reason because I needed to get
out of the house I needed to have some time for myself I needed to
do something physical and so I started making that a habit because
I knew that I was worth it.
[42:33] Suzanne: Oh my gosh that feels like, so I
feel so beautiful to feel you know that. The impulse to get
something done early because you're worth it. That feels like an
embodiment of what it is to love yourself because if you're loving
if you're doing something that your body loves your body wants to
do it right away yeah.
[43:03] Rebecca: And there was also a
lot with how other people would treat me and how I would like
them treat me and the conversations I was no longer willing to
engage in and the the people who I realized I didn't feel very good
around. When I would leave I felt like I was less
myself and so I would just stop spending time with those people and
I would look for people that I felt more
myself, more connected.
Suzanne: mmm what do you think it is
like sometimes I've noticed as well in myself Like a I just
feel like it's good it's just a vulnerable share one of my pillars
is that I've noticed sometimes a lag of time in myself care
and I have noticed that people who experience this, it's like
they're kind of waiting to take care of themselves, maybe
because they don't know that they're worthy or they don't even know
fully what they want or when they get what they want they don't
even know if they want it and. So I feel like this could be a
fun opportunity to really like hack that like what it like to
shorten the gap between identifying something that you want and
then taking actions towards it because you're worth it.
[44:36] How is that-- how is a bridge made between those
those worlds of wanting something and knowing that the
[44:48] Tour worthy of all this even even if we want
isn't directly in sight.
You know I think there's two things you're to tease apart because
you're saying you know people, you've seen people (and I've
been this person too) that is putting off
self-care, but I think it's important to investigate why
we're putting it off because making the assumption that we're
putting it off because we don't value ourself or love ourselves is
not always true.
found that when I'm trying to find the thing that really really
works for me, it looks like I'm procrastinating self-care but what
I'm actually doing is looking for self-care that gives me more bang
for my buck.
[45:37] Right so like Tango yeah so for me Tango
provides multiple benefits. You know, it's connection its
intimacy its sensuality its physical it's beautiful it's something
that just feeds my feminine being in a way where there's
no intent or purpose or point to it, it's just doing it for the fun
of it. It's Community, its connection with other people, it's
finding Mastery of some kind. It's all of those things.
AND I've done other kinds of things fitness-wise that are
good for my body but they don't necessarily provide all of that and
when I don't have as much bang for my buck so to speak I
have less interest and going out and doing those things.
because I don't love myself but because I'm looking for something
that I get more value out of and so when I remind
myself that it's okay to not force myself to go and do what I think
I'm supposed to do it's okay to look around and find find the thing
that really does spark my joy,
really does bring more pleasure into my life
and then remind myself
THAT that's my mission, THAT is
the self care that I'm doing at that time. It's not me putting off
self-care because I don't love me it's me looking for the self-care
that resonates the most and amplifies me as much as
[47:03] Suzanne: It's almost like we receive the
nutrient or the benefit of any practice like the nervous system
is already attending to something that would help it grow
more whether its Mastery within the field,
it's deepening the connection that are already there in the
experience or whether it's seeking you know what you talked about a
new technique or a new environment or a new, a new thing to work on so
that that's what I love about the mind is that it can seek
things beyond what it knows and then the body goes to this pathway
of finding it, just to get closer to again Who We
David White said, the poet, he said "Human beings are the only
species that can stop their own blossoming."
means you know also Life as we are capable of encouraging it in
ways that are, you know, I think increasingly
self-fulfilling. Which is what I feel when I hear you talk about
your process of finding richer experiences for
Yeah, and I think that attitude is a really important thing to pay
attention to. If you feel like you're procrastinating out of some
negative response, well, what if you're just procrastinating
because you haven't found the thing that works for you yet. mmm...
different attitude, different way of approaching the world. And one
is based in fear and one is based in love, one is based in not
having one is based in having.
[48:46] Suzanne: Hmm and then there's
like, we're back to the, I mean we're going to we're going to
ride that one all the way home I think today. I remember talking to
a client and she, I've seen this too and I really want to name
people will try a you know and they'll kind of thing that that
tuned and I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For. You know, so
there's also a quality that's worth acknowledging and it's
something I love experiencing when people come to a class where
maybe they're into it maybe they're not but they have committed
themselves to fully enjoying it while they're there so there's
something also I think really important about.
Even if I
don't believe you.
whatever I'm doing like if my meditation doesn't I don't know if
it's fully fulfilling me or you know is do I like this recipe
do I like
this dance practice like how do I apply myself to fully just put
myself inside of it so that I can actually grow inside of the thing
and said the thing getting to grow me.
[50:00] Rebecca: Yeah and I think that comes down
to that really fine-grained connection with your physical body
that we were talking about last week. Being able to feel in your
body early when the tension starts or when something just doesn't
feel right and then being, like, "Oh okay, this doesn't mean this
is wrong it just means that's a redirect somehow,"
helps me loosen that up what gives me the he's in space
and warmth back in my body.
Suzanne: Mmm how to allow the body to
continue to open to the experience it's having at any given
[50:37] Mmm I feel like really strongly mmm and I,
you know I'm thinking about that walk I took yesterday
because I was sensing as I was walking like
this, I talked about this last week this kind of insatiable
desire to be in the body
I think what it was now that I have a little more self-care a
little more juice and a lot more pleasure in my body today, I'm
like, "Oh, I think I was just feeling
anxious!" It wasn't that anything was you know
insatiable it's like I just needed to up level my attentiveness to
the quality and the quantity of self-care.
take the time but also to bring the quality of mind into each of my
experiences so that the experiences could fully give back to
[51:39] Rebecca: Yeah that's important. You got to
be present for the self-care or it just goes right over your
Check-in! Don't check out! yeah yeah.
That's very cool. Can you think of a another thing that we want to
share here or should we wrap this up?
[51:59] Suzanne: I mean it feels like now we've
segwayed into the the loving place where I feel like I started
everything. Like I wanted to talk todoay about fear and I feel like
we're back where I was in self-love and,
back in self-love so you know it was definitely a self-love
I like that self of boomerang maybe that's what we'll call this
Totally going out with some self love, touching
fear, ah... reintegrated into love again. and I noticed when I
was doing the Vipassana meditation, you know, Goinka, who was
saying just a few minutes for meta where you just focused on
like make every single good thing I experienced
today benefit all human beings and maybe that's where self-love
goes. It goes on every good thing that I experienced it go out to
all of you today.
Yay yay that's awesome it's really lovely to talk with you Suzanne.
I'm glad we got to have this self-love boomerang.
Self-love boomerang. Many more to come. May every moment be
Excellent. Well, have a good rest of your week and I look forward
to having more conversations with you.
Thank you my love!